“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Rohn
I read that somewhere recently. I guess I am a constant feature in my daughter's top five, being her mom. I have the power of making the most influence on her personality!
Ever since I had that thought, I have been on a mission to understand my own personality and identify areas for improvement. Here's how far I got with that: Food is my one stop shopping for life's emotions. I eat bowls after bowls of rice when stressed. I cook like crazy when I actually want to punch someone in the face. I generally define my day to be good or bad based on whether my DD finished her lunch at school or brought it home untouched. I wake up at 5:30AM every school day to pack her lunch. I go to bed every school night thinking about what to pack for her lunch the next morning. And most recently I discovered that staying around food also inspires me to speak my mind when I would otherwise shy away.
Ever since I had that thought, I have been on a mission to understand my own personality and identify areas for improvement. Here's how far I got with that: Food is my one stop shopping for life's emotions. I eat bowls after bowls of rice when stressed. I cook like crazy when I actually want to punch someone in the face. I generally define my day to be good or bad based on whether my DD finished her lunch at school or brought it home untouched. I wake up at 5:30AM every school day to pack her lunch. I go to bed every school night thinking about what to pack for her lunch the next morning. And most recently I discovered that staying around food also inspires me to speak my mind when I would otherwise shy away.
Allow me to explain. A few days ago, a good friend and I were serving food at an event. A familiar temple man stopped by and both of us offered him the same food at the same time. He chose to take the food from my friend and rejected my food saying that he does not accept food from those who do not visit the temple frequently. The normal me would have left it at that. But I was not the average self that day. My thoughts were marinated and saturated around food. It does not matter how often I visit the temple, it is the devotion I carry in my heart that matters- I shot back, feeling absolutely positive about my impulse retort. It is then that the temple man said the words that have saturated my thoughts over the next ten days."You are not coming to temple because you started committing sins. If you are free of sins, you would come to temple". That evening, I wanted to cook up a storm and eat up a dozen bowls of rice simultaneously.
For the first twenty years of my life, I grew up at my parents house. My mother did not even touch me let alone any of her breakfast until she finished her two hour long morning prayers. My father did not step out of the house until he completed Sandhyavandanam (Sun worship, mandatory for men). My best friend went to Panjagutta Saibaba temple every Thursday. I might have been a walking example of Jim Rohn's quotes back then for I recited Vishnu Sahasra Namalu every morning before going to college! I went to the temple on the morning of every major test throughout school. My general affinity towards religious activities continued even after I arrived in the US fifteen years ago, despite my not being around my temple-loving parents on a daily basis. I still take active part in religious activities, I seek for clarity on why some things are done and selectively choose what I think adds spiritual value and what does not. I am not an atheist- not that there is anything wrong with being one- and I still think that there is an inhuman supreme power out there guiding us. So either subconsciously or due to time constraints of a working parent, I no longer prioritize going to temple. I get a sense of religious fulfillment from other activities such as singing, reciting verses in a group or simply spending time with my daughter at the end of the day and talking to her about my childhood. For good or bad, I have not been going to temple much. The temple man's remarks put the religious me on the defensive.
I don't think that I deserved to hear such harsh criticism from the priest. I wish I said something back in my defense that night. But I didn't. It bothered me that I was not able to stand my ground and it bothered me even more that my personality might rub off on my daughter. I watched a webinar on positive parenting on an impulse a couple of days later. After an hour of insightful tips from a senior mom, I headed to work, riding on that positive energy. Minutes after I arrived at work, my boss took me to a conference room to tell me that he noticed a pattern in my communication and that he wanted to provide feedback before I get firmly into the danger zone. He claimed that I jumped the gun with some emails. I was shocked! It was the opposite of how I felt about my work communication. It is not like I never made mistakes- I did plenty of them- at work and otherwise. But I am usually the first to admit to my mistakes and be upfront about it. It is just that I completely disagreed with him on this account and was all set to explain my case. But before I could say anything, tears started rolling down my eyes. I just could not stop them. I felt so annoyed and disappointed for not standing up for myself.
Next time I see my child crying when I confront her about something, I will be sure to remind myself to not yell or ask her to stop crying. I will try and empathize with her more. I hope that I can listen to her more and understand her feelings more. Right now, she is on the top of my fab five list. She controls my average personality!
For the first twenty years of my life, I grew up at my parents house. My mother did not even touch me let alone any of her breakfast until she finished her two hour long morning prayers. My father did not step out of the house until he completed Sandhyavandanam (Sun worship, mandatory for men). My best friend went to Panjagutta Saibaba temple every Thursday. I might have been a walking example of Jim Rohn's quotes back then for I recited Vishnu Sahasra Namalu every morning before going to college! I went to the temple on the morning of every major test throughout school. My general affinity towards religious activities continued even after I arrived in the US fifteen years ago, despite my not being around my temple-loving parents on a daily basis. I still take active part in religious activities, I seek for clarity on why some things are done and selectively choose what I think adds spiritual value and what does not. I am not an atheist- not that there is anything wrong with being one- and I still think that there is an inhuman supreme power out there guiding us. So either subconsciously or due to time constraints of a working parent, I no longer prioritize going to temple. I get a sense of religious fulfillment from other activities such as singing, reciting verses in a group or simply spending time with my daughter at the end of the day and talking to her about my childhood. For good or bad, I have not been going to temple much. The temple man's remarks put the religious me on the defensive.
I don't think that I deserved to hear such harsh criticism from the priest. I wish I said something back in my defense that night. But I didn't. It bothered me that I was not able to stand my ground and it bothered me even more that my personality might rub off on my daughter. I watched a webinar on positive parenting on an impulse a couple of days later. After an hour of insightful tips from a senior mom, I headed to work, riding on that positive energy. Minutes after I arrived at work, my boss took me to a conference room to tell me that he noticed a pattern in my communication and that he wanted to provide feedback before I get firmly into the danger zone. He claimed that I jumped the gun with some emails. I was shocked! It was the opposite of how I felt about my work communication. It is not like I never made mistakes- I did plenty of them- at work and otherwise. But I am usually the first to admit to my mistakes and be upfront about it. It is just that I completely disagreed with him on this account and was all set to explain my case. But before I could say anything, tears started rolling down my eyes. I just could not stop them. I felt so annoyed and disappointed for not standing up for myself.
Next time I see my child crying when I confront her about something, I will be sure to remind myself to not yell or ask her to stop crying. I will try and empathize with her more. I hope that I can listen to her more and understand her feelings more. Right now, she is on the top of my fab five list. She controls my average personality!
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