Warning:
This post contains generous portions of self praise. People with severe allergic reaction to others' bragging (like me) should think twice before reading any further.
I was 24 and single when I started working for Intel and set my eyes on some day becoming a leader of this organization. Aw, to be young and ambitious, right?! Today, I am 39, a Telugu teacher helping run an organization of over 110 students, Secretary of an elementary school PTO board, a backup Math teacher at a local enrichment center, a wife whose spouse works crazy hours, a student practicing singing every day- in shower, the writer and director of numerous children's and adult skits and blogs like this one, and the mother/chef/tutor/confidant/counselor/clown/nurse/chauffeur of two wonderful girls. Leader of Intel? Ha. You still remember that from 15 years ago? How sweet! But no. Not even close. Leader in any capacity at Intel? Nope. At least not until two weeks ago.
Two weeks ago, opportunity knocked on my door and offered me two paths. Both are a step up from the path I have been on for the past 15 years, through the birth of my two girls, separated by two very difficult miscarriages. The first option offers the leadership path that I dream of but has very demanding hours (think 7 am start from home). The other option offers a technical path with a lot more flexibility. My heart told me to take the leadership path. My mind told me to take the "easier" option. Mind and heart debated for over four days. Heart won.
The night my promotion was announced, I was up all night. Sadly not from the excitement of the promotion, but because my older girl was throwing up everything she ate and drank. I spent at home what was supposed to be the first day in my new role. Over the weekend, my family had an all hands on deck meeting. We discussed strategies to get me out of the house by 7am. We made a solid plan. By Sunday night, next day's lunches were packed, breakfast was planned, dishes were washed and counters were cleaned. We were ready to do this!
Monday morning, 5:30am, the baby woke up with a terrible cough and a diaper that leaked all over the place. After cleanup and a bottle of milk, she refused to leave my lap and stayed there till 7:30am. By then, the older one and DH were both at various stages of getting ready for school and work respectively and did not have free hands to hold the younger one. Long story short, I was late to work.
Plan B. Posted ads on all available social media outlets asking for a morning nanny. Interviewed one on phone, even. She is not free in the mornings. She said she will be glad to cover date nights. Date night?! When was the last time? Was it before Obama? It was definitely before Trump. Still optimistic that some nanny would be willing to wake up early and come hold the baby so I can shower and get out the door at 7am.
Meanwhile, I had to field some unexpected questions from random people in the know. Why did you choose the inflexible path rather than the easier path? Are you not scared of screwing up the new job? You are never on time! This is my favorite- Did you get this (promotion) because you threatened to leave otherwise? It made me wonder- if I were a guy, would I still be answering such questions? Actually, if I were a guy, writing this blog would have been completely unnecessary! To be very fair, there is a valid reason for this skepticism I am seeing- there are just not many women in the path I chose to set my foot on!
At the end of the day, I might fail miserably in this new endeavor. I might get completely overwhelmed and realize that I made a terrible choice. However, I do have two young daughters. I am pretty sure they will face similar situations in their lifetime. They would be at crossroads of easy options and their dreams laden with great challenges. I want to be able to advice them to go after their dreams, no matter how high, no matter how treacherous the path. I want to be able to tell them to not let anyone else define their capability but themselves. I want to be able to tell them, I DID IT! SO CAN YOU!
This post contains generous portions of self praise. People with severe allergic reaction to others' bragging (like me) should think twice before reading any further.
I was 24 and single when I started working for Intel and set my eyes on some day becoming a leader of this organization. Aw, to be young and ambitious, right?! Today, I am 39, a Telugu teacher helping run an organization of over 110 students, Secretary of an elementary school PTO board, a backup Math teacher at a local enrichment center, a wife whose spouse works crazy hours, a student practicing singing every day- in shower, the writer and director of numerous children's and adult skits and blogs like this one, and the mother/chef/tutor/confidant/counselor/clown/nurse/chauffeur of two wonderful girls. Leader of Intel? Ha. You still remember that from 15 years ago? How sweet! But no. Not even close. Leader in any capacity at Intel? Nope. At least not until two weeks ago.
Two weeks ago, opportunity knocked on my door and offered me two paths. Both are a step up from the path I have been on for the past 15 years, through the birth of my two girls, separated by two very difficult miscarriages. The first option offers the leadership path that I dream of but has very demanding hours (think 7 am start from home). The other option offers a technical path with a lot more flexibility. My heart told me to take the leadership path. My mind told me to take the "easier" option. Mind and heart debated for over four days. Heart won.
The night my promotion was announced, I was up all night. Sadly not from the excitement of the promotion, but because my older girl was throwing up everything she ate and drank. I spent at home what was supposed to be the first day in my new role. Over the weekend, my family had an all hands on deck meeting. We discussed strategies to get me out of the house by 7am. We made a solid plan. By Sunday night, next day's lunches were packed, breakfast was planned, dishes were washed and counters were cleaned. We were ready to do this!
Monday morning, 5:30am, the baby woke up with a terrible cough and a diaper that leaked all over the place. After cleanup and a bottle of milk, she refused to leave my lap and stayed there till 7:30am. By then, the older one and DH were both at various stages of getting ready for school and work respectively and did not have free hands to hold the younger one. Long story short, I was late to work.
Plan B. Posted ads on all available social media outlets asking for a morning nanny. Interviewed one on phone, even. She is not free in the mornings. She said she will be glad to cover date nights. Date night?! When was the last time? Was it before Obama? It was definitely before Trump. Still optimistic that some nanny would be willing to wake up early and come hold the baby so I can shower and get out the door at 7am.
Meanwhile, I had to field some unexpected questions from random people in the know. Why did you choose the inflexible path rather than the easier path? Are you not scared of screwing up the new job? You are never on time! This is my favorite- Did you get this (promotion) because you threatened to leave otherwise? It made me wonder- if I were a guy, would I still be answering such questions? Actually, if I were a guy, writing this blog would have been completely unnecessary! To be very fair, there is a valid reason for this skepticism I am seeing- there are just not many women in the path I chose to set my foot on!
At the end of the day, I might fail miserably in this new endeavor. I might get completely overwhelmed and realize that I made a terrible choice. However, I do have two young daughters. I am pretty sure they will face similar situations in their lifetime. They would be at crossroads of easy options and their dreams laden with great challenges. I want to be able to advice them to go after their dreams, no matter how high, no matter how treacherous the path. I want to be able to tell them to not let anyone else define their capability but themselves. I want to be able to tell them, I DID IT! SO CAN YOU!
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| Am I tall enough to reach my stars? At least I am standing! Rest, time will tell! |
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