Leela: Hummingbird #4027

 Leela: Hummingbird # 4027

I first saw Leela, a gorgeous little baby hummingbird, with luscious yellows and greens all over her body, near Taara's daycare, one crisp November morning. A nice lady attending to her told me that she saw her flying right into the large glass window and falling down. I quickly moved on, trying to get my day going. As I walked back after dropping Taara off, however, I found her lying on the ground, alone, and I could not help but get a closer look. She was not dead! There was movement, though very faint, and she certainly was in a bad shape. 

I took a picture of her, shared it in my family's whatsapp group, and reluctantly headed to my car to get to work, mentally justifying my abandoning the poor bird with my impending work meeting but failing to convince even myself with that excuse. Just then, my phone chimed. "If she is still moving, you should do something about it"- opined my teen. That was the push I needed. I got off the car, ran back to the daycare and procured an empty box and some paper towels. "You know they don't usually survive after an injury like that, we tried a few times but they always died" - the daycare admin wasn't as optmistic as I was.

 As I was transferring the birdie into the box, I heard her make some of the most beautiful and innocent humming sounds I have heard in my life! I felt as if she was talking to me! I put her on the narrow space between the driver's seat and the back seat and drove the 6 miles to the Audobon society (recently renamed Bird Alliance) as quickly but smoothly as possible. She didn't make a sound during the drive and I began to worry. I instinctively sang laali laali, the lullaby I sang to both my children when they were babies- I still do on some of the rough nights. If nothing else, singing that song calmed my own nerves. That's when I decided to give her the name Leela, the palindrome of Laali. It immediately made me content, it felt like the right thing to do to call her Leela. I kept assuring her that she will be ok.

When I reached the venue, I found Leela not moving. My heart sank. I went inside the rescue center anyway, with Leela inside the empty box that once had granola bars. I filled the form as quickly as possible, and rang the bell, teary eyed. Took another video of Leela, sent to family group- "Leela is not moving :(". The vet came and asked me some questions, and took Leela in. He said I could wait while they triaged her. 

The next five minutes felt like an eternity. I tried to think about the what-ifs. What if I brought her there 5min sooner instead of wasting time contemplating? What if I left her there instead of picking her up and inadvertently injuring and/or shocking her more? I found it unfathomable that the sweet little humming I heard mere minutes ago would be her last. 

The vet opened the door and told me that Leela had just taken a nice flight around the clinic! Leela survived! I couldn't believe my ears! I was ecstatic! I think I might have hugged the vet! I sheepishly asked if I could get a video of her. My request was declined, these devices apparently scare the already shocked little birdies. They promised to send me an update in a week's time.

That moment was the highlight of my week. Both my girls were excited to see all of Leela's pictures and videos I took. My little one shared stories of Leela's rescue with all her friends at daycare. I too sent a message to the admin and she was genuinely happy to hear of Leela's success story. Through various Thanksgiving gatherings, family outings and dinner table conversations, Leela made for the happiest of my thoughts. I truly wish that's where my story of Leela ended.

Yesterday, while I was eating lunch with my girls, I heard my phone alert. It was an email from the Bird Alliance folks. Leela died on that Monday night. I am heartbroken eversince. My eyes well up as I type this. 

"At least she experienced all that love and warmth from you and the vet on her last day"- my teen attempted to comfort me. From the fall to the rescue, from being motionless to taking a happy flight, from a beautiful song to eternal silence, what a roller coaster it has been! Such is life!

Two decades to dreams coming true!!

Making a list of things I'd buy with my first salary was something I did from when I was like 7. Even as a child, I was seriously obsessed with having my own source of income. 

By the time I turned 13, my fascination for having my own job hit an all time high. I applied for a job that I saw in the newspaper- they were impressed with my enthusiasm, but asked me to come back later when I am older, in like 5 years. I considered a few other options- like working at stores or restaurants, but it wasn't something kids of any age did at the time, let alone a 13yr old girl like me. I thought hard and narrowed my options down to just one- tutoring math at the school next door!

I wrote a proper letter to the school principal, using the format of letter-writing my Hindi teacher had just taught us at school, and infusing all the English words I knew at that time as a Telugu-medium student. The principal of the school called me for an interview and hired me immediately! I started teaching there the very next day!

The next 30days were amazing! I put my heart and soul into teaching those 6th and 7th graders! I was on cloud nine! It felt too good to be true- I have a job and I am an employee! A pair of anklets, a new school uniform, hair clips and cosmetics were the regulars in my ever changing list of things I planned to buy with that first paycheck.

It all turned anticlimactic when the principal coolly told me that I was doing a great job 'volunteering '. It was not like I was tutoring because I was exceptional in math. 

Maybe I was, but that is besides point. The only reason I was tutoring was because I needed to get paid, so I could buy all the things on my list. I quit that day.

I had to wait until I turned 20 before I had a real opportunity to bring home a paycheck- my visit to US for gradschool! I got paid $500.50 that first pay period for being a research assistant with Dr.Palanki in the Department of Chemical engineering. Dr. Palanki is also the reason why I am a Dr Vemuri today. He encouraged me to not stop with a masters and to pursue Ph.D. Being a fellow South Indian Telugu person, he even bribed me with idly/sambar if I stayed for ph.d.!

I have Dr. Palanki and the Ph.D. I got upon his insistence to thank for, for the first corporate paycheck I got from Intel Corporation. I don't remember now what my list had at that time, but remember being ridiculously happy!

Speaking of ridiculous happiness, today, June 7th, marks the 20th anniversary of another ridiculously happy moment for me- my first day at Intel, my very first employer after completing my formal education. Today, I got to celebrate the occasion with some of my very best friends that have been with me throughout these past 20 years. Somewhere between ages 13 and 44, I transitioned from simply wanting to earn a paycheck to be able to afford a wishlist, to one that is eternally grateful. From the first interviewer at Niha Communications in Hydarabad, to every single friend and acquaintance that motivated me in my career, thank you for paving the path to my financial independence!

Cheers with Joel and Karen

They all let me have my mojito mixing moment- cilanto and jalapeño mojito that I made was consumed in silence :)

!!! 

Beautiful lights in the sky to mark the occasion!

The end of an era

For a person as insanely impulsive as I am, I have rarely looked back. For things big and small, life-altering and mundane, I generally go with the flow, and don't ponder much. However, for the past 14 days, I am carrying an enormous regret, and I am attempting to put my feelings in words in the hope that I find a path forward from this guilt.

I'd been working on a Telugu song. I was about half way there, and babayyagaru (dear uncle) was at the top of my list of mentors to talk to as soon as I got done with the first draft. On Tuesday, April 2nd, I got a friend's request from his Facebook account. I was hustling the girls out the door for school when I saw it, accepted it instantly, knowing that I was going to pick up the phone and talk to him that weekend. On Friday, April 5th, he passed away. I have been in denial ever since, and have blocked my mind from opening the floodgates of sadness, regret and guilt.

It was the summer of 2021, easily some of the darkest days for my family, having lost both my in-laws to Covid. We were processing the grief, desperately looking for any sign of light to pin our hopes to. The moment my sister casually mentioned the name of his son and the fact that he worked for Intel, hope and positivity hit me like the first rays of sun after a cold and dark night. I animatedly looked him up and reached out to him on Intel Teams.

"I am a big fan of your dad's work. Do you live in Portland? Is your dad with you? Can I meet with him? Can I invite him over for dinner? Can he talk to my children? Can he visit our school? OMG, can he be the chief guest for the Telugu school graduation ceremony?"

Thus went my initial messages to his son. I was deflated to learn that neither babayyagaru himself nor his son lived in Portland anymore, and that they were both back in Hyderabad. My disappointment was quickly replaced by my excitement for plan B with him:

"Can I talk to him on phone? Can I tell him how much I admired his work, growing up? Can I do an online interview with him? Host a YouTube show?"

I then embarked on a literary journey that will forever remain in my fondest memories. For almost eight weeks, I talked to him every day. I got to know how he wore his heart on his sleeve. I experienced his unparalleled command of Telugu language and his rib-tickling wit. I learnt the tragic story of how he lost his father, and about how for over a decade he had been living in the fond memories of his beloved wife, proud of all that she meant for him and his children. 

In those couple of months, I went from just being a fangirl of the veteran newsreader Shanti Swarup garu, to addressing him as babayyagaru, and meaning it with all my heart. I even got to meet with him on my last trip to India and take his blessings. Oh how I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to him, just one more time! How I wish I could tell him just how much those months of our daily interactions meant to me! How I wish I finished editing all of my videos with him and shared the youtube links with him! This guilt has been eating me up. I know one thing for sure. Heaven's just got richer in Telugu and smarter from his flawless news reporting. 

ఐదులు పదిచేస్తూ ...కైమోడ్పులు I fold my fives into ten with respect- A phrase he taught me.

So long, babayyagaru!

Separation

On Friday, 3/31/23, I handed my badge and laptop and separated from Intel. With no personal devices other than my glitchy cell phone that barely lets me make phone calls and nothing else, I have been on a forced digital detox since then, and that has given me a lot of time for reflection. 

If a crystal ball told me on my first day at Intel that I would accomplish all that I have now, 19 years later, I'd be mighty pleased.  I have had my share of engineering innovations, problem solving, training, leadership and relationship building experiences to be proud of. However, it is my earliest days as an RCG that I most fondly reminisce. I was the 6th overall and the first Indian female engineer in the ~100 member team of Lithography when I joined. I was all of four years old in this country at that point, and I was the definition of naïve.  My trainer on the night shift convinced me that I had to load the wafers on the left port on odd weeks and on the right side on even weeks. It took me two months to figure out that it was all a prank. An alarm popped up on a machine I was working on- "Your wafer is broken. Press OK to Continue". Only after my frantic call to my manager did I realize that it was all a setup. Thankfully I was not alone. Another new engineer was summoned to the sub-fab to respond to a major DI water leak he never found. To this day, he is nicknamed DI. I still laugh out loud when I think of the engineer that called for wafers by standing in front of the stocker and clapping three times.

I remember our RCG game nights every weekend. It was common for some of us on call to step away from our games to answer pages from work. We'd have every engineer's and GL's desk phone numbers memorized. Each of us wore that pager proudly on our waist as a badge of honor. 

As the years passed, Some of us singles got hitched, the married ones had kids, we all bought homes, and the weekend hangouts dwindled. In due course, some of us became group leaders, individual contributors, focus team chairs and more. We all just grew older in all respects.

I spent my last few days at Intel going through the million emails I had in my Outlook. My earliest emails to my manager were verbose and in need of his constant validation.  After a while, they became concise and confident, and eventually had the command and authority of a seasoned engineer. It is fascinating seeing my professional growth pixelated in those emails.

I am immensely grateful for everyone at Intel that influenced me, directly or indirectly, and helped me navigate my 19 Intel years and nurtured my growth, through pranks or otherwise. Some of my best friends are still at Intel, doing some of the coolest innovations to shape the future world, and I will always be rooting for Team Intel. As emotional as I get when I consider that I am now ex-Intel,  I am thrilled for another shot at bringing out the inner child in me, and reliving the exciting days of a newbie at my next career venture!

06/07/2004, First day of work, picture clicked by my mom

03/31/2023, Last day of work, Picture clicked by my oldest daughter

Moments before handing off that badge at Intel, Ronler Acres

Badge, an honor and a privilege

Humans of my life- My Mom!

Humans of my life- My mom

Kalpavalli Vemuri

In every untenable situation I am in, and it seems as if I am in a lot of them lately, I look to my mom and I immediately see a path forward. She is not only the most positive person I know, she is also the most righteous I know, and I could not have asked for a better inspiration for my life!

Today, my mom turned 70. I could not go to India and celebrate this very special day with her, but she's all I have been thinking about, literally, for the past few days, as I attempted my first ever Telugu poetry describing the phenomenal individual she is.

I knew I wanted to write something in her honor and the first thought that came to my mind was Goddess Lakshmi, the one with eight forms to give us strength in eight different contexts of life. I decided to go with eight poems describing the way my mom gives us strength in our lives. An octet! Ashtapadi! I got super excited! The only trouble is- I never wrote any poems per meter, Telugu or English, and to accomplish 8 poems incorporating my mom's traits, in perfect meter, under two weeks, felt just as daunting as it is exhilarating.

I turned to my Telugu mentor, @Madhira Murthy garu who taught me the basics of Aataveladi (analogous to haiku) meter, suggested adding a makutam (the repeating last line of each poem), and most importantly, infused the confidence I needed to take a stab at it. With his continuous support with spell-checking, meter-checking, and proof-reading, I wrapped up the eight poems with just a few hours to spare before it was Jan 16th in India.

Here's the result:

అష్టలక్ష్ములకు ప్రతీక అయిన అమ్మకి,

సూర్యునిచుట్టూ భ్రమణాలను ఏడుపదులసార్లు అద్భుతంగా పూర్తిచేసి ఎనిమదవ దశకంలోకి అడుగిడుతున్న శుభసందర్భములో ఈ ఆటవెలది అష్టపదుల అక్షరసుమాంజలి!

ప్రేమతో,

జ్యోతి

*ఆదిలక్ష్మి:*

ఆదిలక్ష్మి పుట్టెనైదవ చూలులో

తండ్రి నారసింహ తల్లి అమల

పెంచె కాకినాట ప్రేమగ యామెను

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

*ధనలక్ష్మి:*

తనది కాని సొమ్ము తనకు వలదనెను

పరుగిడె వడివడిగ పరుల సేవ కొరకు

ఒరుల హితమె ధనము ఓర్పుయే నిధియనె

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

*ధాన్యలక్ష్మి:*

శ్రీపతికి పతికిను స్త్రీలు గోవులకును

పిల్ల పెద్ద బడుగు బీదలకును

పెట్టు అన్నపూర్ణ పెక్కు సంతసమున

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

*గజలక్ష్మి:*

వీధికుక్కల కని విలవిలబోవును

చేతనైన హితము జేసె సతము

ఐదడుగులె కాని ఐరావతంబేను

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

*సంతానలక్ష్మి:*

పాప వలెనె ఆడిపాడె పిల్లలతోడ

స్వాతివెలుగులైరి సవిత హసిత

యజ్ఞజోతలాయెననురాగ తారలు

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

*ధైర్యలక్ష్మి:*

ఓర్చలేని కలతలుండవనెనిలను

ధర్మనిరతియె తన ధైర్యమనుచు

హనుమకు బలమునిడు నభయమహాలక్ష్మి

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

*విజయలక్ష్మి:*

విజయమునకు నాంది విశ్వాసమని పల్కు

కార్యసిద్ధినొసగు కదలని మది

సానుకూలత దరి సాకారము కలలు

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

*విద్యాలక్ష్మి:*

పట్టుబట్టి చదివె ప్రతికూలమైనను

వాటుసాపువాడి వాడి పెంచె

ఏడుపదులలోను ఈ నిత్య విద్యార్థి

కల్పకంబు తల్లి కల్పవల్లి

Translation:

1. Adilakshmi (The first Goddess)

Born to mom Amalavati, and dad Narasimharao as their fifth child and the first of five daughters, she was raised with immense love, and was nicknamed Kalpakam, the wonder tree that gives you everything you ever ask for.

2. Dhanalakshmi (The Goddess of wealth)

She never once coveted the riches of others. She never once hesitated to run to the aid of the needy. She believes that there's no greater wealth than the wellbeing of those around her and that there's no bigger treasure than her patience that can handle any difficult situations in life.

3. Dhanyalakshmi (The Goddess of food and harvest)

Whether offering food to God, her husband, women or men, kids or the elderly, rich or poor, servants or cattle, she's always serving them with the same love and care, regardless of her health or the time of the day.

4. Gajalakshmi (The Goddess of animal wealth)

When she sees stray animals struggling on the streets, she does not sit still until she does what she can to soothe them. She's not even five feet in height but her kind heart is larger than lord Indra's elephant Airavatam.

5. Santanalakshmi (The Goddess of progeny)

Her older daughter Swathi married Ravi and has two daughters Savitha and Hasitha. Her younger daughter Yagna Jyothy married Bhaskar and has two daughters of her own, Raaga and Taara. Whenever she is with children, she becomes one of them.

6. Dhairyalakshmi (The Goddess of courage)

She breathes the empowering concept that we will only ever face the kind of difficulties we are capable of wading through. She is the living example that the biggest strength we can have is the one we get from living righteously. It is with the strength of her enormous will power and goodness of heart that she has become the biggest strength of even her husband, a namesake of Hanuman, the lord of strength!

7. Vijayalakshmi (The Goddess of success)

She believes that the first step towards victory is optimism. There isn't a dream in this world that cannot be fulfilled with positive attitude and unwavering focus.

8. Vidyalakshmi (The Goddess of education)

She grew up in a society that did not think that girls needed higher education. She challenged the status quo and secretly went for college education with the help of her older brothers. Age is just a number for her, for she is on top of the gadgets and technology, whether she is keeping in touch with friends and family over whatsapp, paying bills with GPay or booking herself a cab on Uber. She is learning music, and Bhagvad Gita when she is not updating herself with the technology, she is always reading or reciting every second of the day, and is a role model for the relentlessness needed in every student.

Humans of my life- Anupa

Anupa Patel


It was a random evening in the Fall of 2000, barely a month into my starting as a graduate student at Florida State University. I finished my dinner early and cut across from the fence behind my apartment to the engineering building to check my emails. That building had everything my apartment did not have- reliable AC, heat, and most importantly, access to a computer and the internet. I was thanking my lucky stars when I found the lone computer station in the students' lounge vacant. I hurriedly opened my inbox to see if Bachi (Bhaskar Mandala), my then boyfriend, had sent me any emails, like he normally did at that time of the evening. I was disappointed to not see an email from him, but was more horrified to see an email from someone at a1b2c3d4e5@yahoo.com.

*******
Everyone on campus calls you Savam (dead body). You never smile at or talk to seniors. You never hangout with anyone. Everyone hates you. Heard you have a boyfriend? How could anyone love a girl like you? I pity him. I hate to f*** you.
********

I had lots of hopes and aspirations stepping inside this country, of pursuing higher education, of launching my career, of clearing all of my family's debts and getting my parents into a more comfortable home, of living the American dream. That email pretty much instantly destroyed all positive mojo I had. I was petrified and became too numb to fully comprehend what I had just read. Exactly at that moment, like an angel, Anupa, my classmate, barely an acquaintance at that point, walked through that door, saw me pale, and asked me what happened. The screen in front of me still had the email open.

She gave me a hug, comforted me, and immediately ran upstairs to the office of a guy that's known to be good with computers. Within minutes, she had him trace the computer from which the email was sent. She came downstairs and said she pretty much knows who did it (it was a fellow grad student, a Telugu dude in fact). She let me borrow her cell phone and call Bachi. She helped me report it to campus security, offered to host me at her apartment that night.

That was the first of many instances over the next couple of years Anupa came to my rescue. My roommates had ratted me out to my parents about Bachi, after his visit over the holidays, and created a major emotional trauma within my family. Anupa helped with my moving out of the apartment literally in the middle of the night, and introduced me to Ysa Carry, our classmate from Spain, who graciously helped me get housed in another apartment on campus the very next day.

I did not own a car until two years into grad school, and Anupa was there to take me to walmart every week, or drive Bachi home from the airport and back. After seeing me in formal pants and blouse at a pool party at Dr. Locke's home, Anupa took me to the mall and helped me make the necessary changes to my wardrobe. She helped me decode Dr. Tellotte's accent in Thermodynamics class, and she introduced me to the comfort of bagel and cream cheese on lazy Saturday mornings. She had her mom bring me an idly stand from New Jersey, seeing how typical a south Indian I was. I have that idly stand to this day and I think of our beautiful friendship each time I make idlies at home.

Anupa is one of the biggest reasons I survived everything that the first few months of grad school threw at me. It is her birthday today, and I proudly cherish the beautiful person she is, on her very special day. Happy birthday, Nupee!

P.S:

The 43yr old me is in utter disbelief for how threatened and crushed the 20yr old me felt from that stalker's lunatic email. I guess I am truly older and wiser! :)

Humans of my life- Shankar

There are plenty of people that remain as acquaintances, nothing more, even after decades of constantly crossing paths. However, every once in a while, we run into a contrary, and make lasting impressions from a fleeting moment. 

Raaga and I were in the bay area recently to help host the finals of Telugu spelling bee competition organized by Silicon Andhra Manabadi. It was an eventful weekend, complete with a brief visit to Stanford campus, downtown SFO, Pier39, and a sunset cruise that was rudely interrupted by my freak knee twist, and of course, the awe inspiring younger generation, impressing one and all with their native language fluency. 

Any memorable weekend, though never ceases to exist on our minds, does come to an end in real time, and it was time for us to return to Portland. We were told that a volunteer, a local Manabadi parent, was assigned to give us a ride to the airport. 

The said volunteer was at the hotel lobby, 15min earlier than scheduled time, pinged me to say that he arrived, but also asserted that he's in no rush, and that we should absolutely take our time checking out of the hotel. 

We finally met him outside of the hotel, 10min after the scheduled time. He noticed my crutches, and immediately ran to drive his car out of the parking lot, and brought it closer to the ramp. It took me a while to get into the car, and position my knee in a meta stable state, and we were finally on the road. San Jose airport was only a 15min drive from the hotel. It is the conversation we had in those few minutes that made this an unforgettable encounter.

We talked about our respective careers, our connection with Manabadi, kids, and all the usual questions that fly around within the first few minutes of any first meetings. 

The routine broke when he mentioned his wife wanting to get back to work force. He asked for my opinion on what he can do to be a more supportive partner and a more involved parent. I am not an expert on the matter by any means, but I shared my unvarnished opinions anyway, the details of which are not relevant here.  It is just that, in my 18years of being a working woman, 13years of being a working mother, and almost 8 years of working directly with dozens of kids and parents on a weekly basis as the Portland Telugu school teacher and coordinator, never has anyone, let alone a male, ask me such a sincere and vital question, and I could not help but admire the man's love for his family!

We arrived at the departures terminal, and realized that we had already passed the Alaska Airlines gate where we were supposed to get off. Raaga and I offered to get down there and walk back to Alaska gate just a few meters away, but he dismissed the idea right away. When I apologized for not being more attentive and making him drive around the busy terminal again, he simply smiled and said he is glad it gave him a few extra minutes to continue our conversation!

He eventually drove us back to the terminal, stopped right at Alaska gate this time. He talked to the security to let him park the car at curb so he could walk me in, brought our luggage in, ensured that I got a wheel chair, before bidding us adieu. 

When I think of him, I think of the most beautiful family, thriving in love, empathy, and unconditional support. When I think of him, I think to ask the question- "what can I do to  make things a little bit better for those I care about?".