Hindsight is 20-20. I missed a golden opportunity to emphasize to my 6yr old the importance of compassion and the beauty in losing gracefully.
A couple of months ago, my first grader came home all furious because her PE class did not get the "Paper Shoe" reward. Apparently one of her classmates forgot to wear proper PE shoes that day which cost them the class reward. I could tell she was quite upset with that friend. I don't remember what I had done that evening to calm her down- handed her a bowl of cheese puffs, perhaps.
Very recently, it was the first day back to school after a long weekend. She packed all her library books in her backpack and went to school, wearing her favorite bejeweled cowboy boots. She thought it was Library day. It actually was PE. Her class did not get the paper shoe because she wore the wrong shoes. Scenes from two months ago played again in our house that night. I don't remember my pacification strategy from that night either. Ritz crackers with peanut butter, I would guess.
How I wish I said something to her connecting both these incidents now. But she has not said anything about her PE days since that last time- good things or bad. Maybe she connected the dots spaced by two months herself. Maybe not. I don't know. I just wish I said something anyway, for words have a way to stick to the minds.
The things that stick to my mind of late are the constant references to my growing weight. I probably have myself to blame with my years of social media blog-bragging of my athletic journey that somehow came to a standstill as of last summer. Perhaps my mind is only tuned to such appearance related remarks and tuning out everything else. Perhaps I already feel embarrassed about it enough and any remark or even a stare is enough to push me over the edge. I am thankfully very strong-willed. Started biking to work again. It is day-2 and my butt's sore- more so than it was on day-2 of my 200mile Seattle to Portland ride in 2013. I welcome this soreness. It tells me I am on the right path.
Unfortunately, not everyone's problems are as simple and fixable as mine. Some deal with relationship troubles. Some deal with financial problems. Some deal with serious health issues, physical or mental. The thing is, we just don't know their story. We never know who is strong-willed and who is depressed beyond anyone's comprehension. Two nights ago, I came to know that a friend died- succumbed to depression. Someone that probably would have survived if they heard some compassionate words just one more time. Someone that probably would have survived if they haven't heard anything hurtful that one last time. Maybe that someone would not have survived regardless. Who am I to speculate. It is pointless to speculate.
If my kid went to her friend that forgot to wear the right shoes and said "it's OK we didn't get the class reward this time, we can get it next time" instead of being flustered with her, I bet she wouldn't have been as upset on the day she herself let her team down. She is still a 6yr old, I am sure she will get many more opportunities to get coached on life lessons by teacher Ms. Time. But for many others, including my friend, such opportunities just didn't knock on their doors in time.
Hindsight is 20-20. I am determined to be more compassionate. I am determined to spread the cheer. I am determined to make a difference in others' lives- or at least not push anyone over the edge with my words or actions.
A couple of months ago, my first grader came home all furious because her PE class did not get the "Paper Shoe" reward. Apparently one of her classmates forgot to wear proper PE shoes that day which cost them the class reward. I could tell she was quite upset with that friend. I don't remember what I had done that evening to calm her down- handed her a bowl of cheese puffs, perhaps.
Very recently, it was the first day back to school after a long weekend. She packed all her library books in her backpack and went to school, wearing her favorite bejeweled cowboy boots. She thought it was Library day. It actually was PE. Her class did not get the paper shoe because she wore the wrong shoes. Scenes from two months ago played again in our house that night. I don't remember my pacification strategy from that night either. Ritz crackers with peanut butter, I would guess.
How I wish I said something to her connecting both these incidents now. But she has not said anything about her PE days since that last time- good things or bad. Maybe she connected the dots spaced by two months herself. Maybe not. I don't know. I just wish I said something anyway, for words have a way to stick to the minds.
The things that stick to my mind of late are the constant references to my growing weight. I probably have myself to blame with my years of social media blog-bragging of my athletic journey that somehow came to a standstill as of last summer. Perhaps my mind is only tuned to such appearance related remarks and tuning out everything else. Perhaps I already feel embarrassed about it enough and any remark or even a stare is enough to push me over the edge. I am thankfully very strong-willed. Started biking to work again. It is day-2 and my butt's sore- more so than it was on day-2 of my 200mile Seattle to Portland ride in 2013. I welcome this soreness. It tells me I am on the right path.
Unfortunately, not everyone's problems are as simple and fixable as mine. Some deal with relationship troubles. Some deal with financial problems. Some deal with serious health issues, physical or mental. The thing is, we just don't know their story. We never know who is strong-willed and who is depressed beyond anyone's comprehension. Two nights ago, I came to know that a friend died- succumbed to depression. Someone that probably would have survived if they heard some compassionate words just one more time. Someone that probably would have survived if they haven't heard anything hurtful that one last time. Maybe that someone would not have survived regardless. Who am I to speculate. It is pointless to speculate.
If my kid went to her friend that forgot to wear the right shoes and said "it's OK we didn't get the class reward this time, we can get it next time" instead of being flustered with her, I bet she wouldn't have been as upset on the day she herself let her team down. She is still a 6yr old, I am sure she will get many more opportunities to get coached on life lessons by teacher Ms. Time. But for many others, including my friend, such opportunities just didn't knock on their doors in time.
Hindsight is 20-20. I am determined to be more compassionate. I am determined to spread the cheer. I am determined to make a difference in others' lives- or at least not push anyone over the edge with my words or actions.
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