The Smile Stash: Hereditary Herpetophobia

Our music teacher fondly calls her puppy Rockamma; the puppy's given name is Rockulous. It cracks us up every time because we often call our dear daughter Ragamma and the resemblance in indianized terms of endearment between the puppy and our child is just too funny. Incidentally my father calls me Chinnamma and he has never called me anything else because I had part of his mom's name (she died very young, in her late thirties).

My mother loves telling me the story behind my name, even though I have heard it a million times from her already. My father worked in a remote village when my mother was pregnant with me. They lived in an old house with bathrooms that were a good five minute walk from the main house. These detached bathrooms were located in the backyard that was full of trees and bushes. One morning, when my mother made the hike to the bathrooms, she found a giant snake coiled around the bathroom wall. She was terrified of it and instantly started praying as snakes are symbolic of lord Shiva. She decided right there that she would give lord Shiva's name to her unborn child if sheever made it out of that bathroom alive. Well, she survived the day and I was born- a long and difficult c-section later. I was born a breach and had the record for the heaviest baby of that hospital at nearly ten pounds. My mother took months to recover from my birth and in that time she decided on the name Naga Yagna Shiva Jyothy and conveyed the same to my father- Naga for the snake, Yagna for my grandmother, Shiva for the lord, and Jyothy because it rhymes with my older sister Swathi's name. When she was finally able to sit up unsupported, they performed my naming ceremony. That my father got all confused and wrote his mother's name Yagneswari in the plate of sacred rice instead of the one my mother chose for me is a sore subject for my mother and I will let her handle it separately. :)

I don't know if it is because I heard this story so many times or not, but I have this crazy, irrational fear for, not just snakes, but most reptiles, ever since I was very young. In our home in Hyderabad, the only bathroom has a cement pipe that stands all the way past the attic and the ceiling and vents up above our roof. That pole provided the perfect habitat for a lizard family. Now that I think about it, it must be some dynosaur's great great grand kid. It was ridiculously huge, and, somehow, always made its way down the pole and onto our bathroom wall at night. It should not be too shocking to note that I did not use the bathroom between the hours of 8pm and 6am for the 15+ years that I lived in that house unless ***absolutely*** necessary. On some rare evenings, it even made it out on to the walls of our living room, and, on those days, I simply ran out of the house and did not return until my dad chased the lizard out with a broom.

A couple of years ago, we were vacationing in Kerala on the occasion of my husband's birthday. We stayed in a nice boathouse on the backwaters of Poovar island. The first evening, we heard some weird noises coming from the ceiling but did not think much of them. We went out for sightseeing the next day and came back late. I gave instructions for the kitchen staff to bring my husband's birthday cake to the room exactly at midnight. I had it all planned out. However, at about 11:30pm, while watching TV, I noticed a small lizard, crawling up on the wall behind the TV. I FREAKED out. Instantly realized that the sounds from the night before were coming from a family of lizards up on the ceiling. I picked up the phone, called the resort manager and asked him to change our rooms immediately. Within ten minutes, we were in the new boathouse, slightly smaller in size but I didn't care. The office staff was still moving our suitcases when from the corner of my eye, what do I see? Another lizard! In the second boathouse too! My poor kid had to be woken up from her sleep. My husband was trying to reason with me that since we are on the waters, insects and lizards are only to be expected. Some guys frantically worked on finding those suckers with brooms and other lizard catching tools. It did not matter to me. I needed to be out of there and fast. So on my insistence, we moved to another room, third in space of 30min, away from the water, and most importantly, free of lizards. A few minutes later, our suitcases joined us in the new room followed by the waiter with the birthday cake. Apparently that poor soul had been running behind us from room to room cake in tow. Husband cut the cake, we ate it. Raaga went to bed. Poovar island staff hates me. And I am never staying in boathouses, ever.

I know I took my time to describe my extreme herpetophobia in excruciating detail here. But believe me, I have a good reason. Yesterday, when I went to pick up my daughter from summer camp, her teacher showed me some pictures. I nearly fainted looking at them. Apparently my daughter feels no connection with the reptile fears that are so strong in her two prior generations. If only her fearlessness extended to fireworks, we would not be soundproofing our home every July 4th!